As you go through breast cancer treatment your sense of identity and sexuality may change, which can affect your relationship or how you feel about dating and starting new relationships.
Communicating with your partner
If you are in a relationship, your partner is going through a difficult process with you. Try to communicate with each other about the emotions you are experiencing. These may include your thoughts and feelings about living with breast cancer. They may also include concerns you have about your relationship, due to your breast cancer, such as the following:
- Fear that your partner will leave you
- Fear that your partner will not find you attractive
- Concern that you do not have enough time and energy to give your partner because of your illness
- Guilt about the demands that your illness might impose on your partner.
It is normal to feel any or all of these things. Open communication with your partner can help you both work through these feelings and maintain your connection to each other.
Lesbian or bisexual relations
If you are in a relationship with a woman, your partner may be especially upset by your experience with breast cancer and concerned because the disease could affect her as well. She may have experienced difficulty relating to your health care team, who may or may not appreciate her role in your life.
As a lesbian or bisexual woman, you may view issues of independence and equality in relationships differently than other couples. It is possible that your cancer may challenge these values. Open and honest discussion may help to resolve any issues you and your partner experience as you go through your treatment for breast cancer.
Information for partners
If you are the partner of someone with breast cancer, you may be their main source of support. During a time of illness, this can be very stressful and cause you a lot of anxiety. Some of the challenges that you may face include the following:
- Concern about your partner's health, including fear of your partner dying.
- Uncertainty about what can or cannot be said, or being uncomfortable discussing cancer openly with your partner.
- The need to make practical adjustments, such as assuming new responsibilities at home and, if you have a family, communicating with and caring for your children.
- Worry over finances.
- Feeling overly protective of your partner.
Supporting a partner with breast cancer
Here are some things you can do as the partner of someone with breast cancer:
- Listen to your partner in a supportive way, without judging them.
- Become informed about breast cancer so that you can discuss it with your partner and support her/his decisions about treatment.
- Understand that breast cancer is affecting your partner emotionally as well as physically.
- Listen to your own emotions and needs. Seek social or emotional support for yourself if you need to.
Good communication can go a long way to helping partners get through breast cancer treatment. It may help to speak to a counsellor, either alone or together, if you are having difficulty dealing with issues in your relationship. Your health care team can refer you to social workers, psychologists, counsellors and other support services.
Dating and starting new relationships
If you are single, you may feel differently about dating or starting new relationships than you did before you had breast cancer.
For some people, going through breast cancer and its treatment leads to personal growth, a stronger sense of self or more self-awareness. You may have a clearer idea of what you want from your life and your relationships.
For others, dating or starting new relationships may feel more difficult. Some of the reasons may be the following:
- Concerns about when and how to tell someone you are dating about your cancer.
- Uncertainty about how someone you are dating will react to your having cancer.
- Worry that having cancer will make it more difficult to find people to date.
- Changes to your appearance due to cancer or cancer treatment, which may affect your feelings about being attractive or sexual.
- Fear of cancer recurring and wondering how this new person in your life would react.
Finding the support you need
If you want to start dating but are finding it difficult, you may find it helpful to do the following:
- Take small steps, such as volunteering or taking a class where you will meet new people in a relaxed setting.
- Remember that you are in control of when and how you tell someone you are dating about your breast cancer.
- Think about or even practice what you want to say when you are ready to tell someone you are dating about your breast cancer, to help you become more comfortable saying it.
- Talk to a counsellor about your concerns. Your health care team can refer you to social workers, psychologists, counsellors and other support services.
- Find a breast cancer support group where you can talk about dating with others.
Read more about living with breast cancer: your emotions, sexuality, fertility, communicating with your children, and coping with practical and financial issues
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